More than half way through the year already. I appreciate evening light all the more.
Susanne

He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened – Lao Tzu

How well do you know yourself; the unique, beautiful Self that is you? If your parents listened to your feelings, gave you positive feedback and encouraged you to think and work things out for yourself then, maybe, quite well. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Our educational system also tends to place greater emphasis on knowledge and skills than on learning about who we are. Sadly, self-awareness is not a priority in school or in life and, in some instances, is even scorned.

Towards the end of 2005 I planted a tree in my garden. Attached to it was a label. On the label was its name: ‘Albizia julibrisson Ombrella’ – ‘Umbrella Tree’, as well as instructions for planting and positioning, and the price. All useful and necessary information and an example of positive labelling. Even so, I removed the label. It wasn’t necessary for the tree to grow and flourish. Of course the tree was bare and I was told that planting at that time of year would allow the roots to become established. Throughout the winter and into spring the tree continued to grow. It’s a tree-like thing to do. As summer arrived I saw the leaves and then blossom as evidence of its growth. This year it has come into its own. It truly belongs in its position and has grown enough to spread a small canopy of shade.

As human beings, we flourish when, intuitively, we are aware of growing in some way. Like the tree, we need to be the best that we can be for our own well-being. When we are not in this state it’s as if we experience a kind of death, which may show itself in physical, emotional or psychological disturbances or just a continual nagging feeling of dissatisfaction.

If someone were to ask: ‘Who are you?’ where would you begin? How would you describe yourself? Our positive traits and skills we mostly accept because we usually received positive ‘strokes’ or rewards for possessing them. But even they can keep us from growing at times, as they are safe ‘zones’ and often we are reluctant to step out of them.

When it comes to the things we believe we cannot do or be, most of us also accept these as well. So much so, we tend to see these usually negative traits as a kind of fixed, unchangeable truth. But to what extent are they the truth? Or are we simply identifying with a set of labels that we have accumulated during our life. If we stop to examine these labels, are some of them holding us back? You may recognise your own labels or more likely someone else’s. They usually begin with, ‘I’m’. ‘I’m a rotten speller’, ‘I’m stubborn’, ‘I’m not clever enough’, ‘I’m too old’. We often unconsciously attach labels to ourselves to avoid having to grow or make changes. Change can be scary. It often involves a degree of risk. When challenged about changing, have you ever caught yourself saying, ‘That’s just the way I am!’ or ‘I can’t help it.’ Believing these comments may avoid the risk but it can also keep you from growing and developing.

Other people are inclined to label us too. It’s a useful shortcut and makes it easier for them to deal with us. Many of the labels we have acquired throughout our life were initially ‘pinned’ on us as children. They are not necessary for us to grow and flourish and in many cases will impede that growth. Some labelling comes from lack of awareness and it may be unintentional. If it’s positive it may even be useful. At its worst it can be abuse, stereotyping or prejudice and we see evidence of it every day in relationships, within families, between cultures and political systems.

Most of us have a choice. We can choose to stay in our safe ‘zones’ or we can notice when we are leaning on our labels and begin to relinquish them, especially the ones that are holding us back - from growing, developing and being true to our Self.

Some suggestions